


drenched

by moth_writes



Series: smiling fate [7]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Carry On Countdown (Simon Snow), Depression, M/M, Sad Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:47:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27839362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moth_writes/pseuds/moth_writes
Summary: Post Carry On Simon....I don’t want to get out of bed....I sit at the table and watch him and listen to the rain against the window glass.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: smiling fate [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2026844
Comments: 3
Kudos: 17
Collections: Carry On Countdown 2020





	drenched

**Author's Note:**

> Done for the Carry On Countdown Day 8: Rain

SIMON

Baz checks on me before he leaves.

I feel his hand in my hair, his lips on my cheek.

I bury myself deeper in blankets and pillows.

I don’t want to get out of bed.

I don’t want to do anything. I close my eyes again.

…

The sun comes through the window. It’s in my eyes when I open them, and I don’t want to turn over, so I pull the blanket higher and ignore it.

I should get up. There’s things to do around the flat, and if the sun is that high it must be close to noon.

I don’t want to get out of bed.

I stare at my bitten down fingernails and sigh.

I should eat. I should shower. I should text Baz and tell him I’m awake.

I close my eyes instead.

…

It’s raining.

I can hear it against the windows. It’s late now, and the room is dark.

I can hear Baz clattering away in the kitchen.

I should go see him. Say hello, tell him I love him.

I haven’t been out of bed for more than five minutes all day.

I don’t want to, but I’m stubborn. I should.

It takes too long to get out of bed.

I hate it. It’s three steps-sit up, blankets off, stand-but it takes so long.

My tail wraps itself around my leg. I don’t know if I hate it or I’m grateful for it’s presence. My wings, too.

I stand for a moment and listen to the rain against the window. I want to cry. I can't-I'm too empty. There's nothing for me to cry from.

I go into the kitchen instead, and Baz’s smile just makes me feel guilty. I can see the worry in his eyes, the resentment.

I’m imagining it, my therapist tells me. Baz doesn’t resent me. He loves me.

I still see it.

I smile at him as much as I can. I tell myself, over and over, that he loves me.

I wish I could believe it.

I sit at the table and watch him and listen to the rain against the window glass.

**Author's Note:**

> This is modeled half off Simon's descriptions and half off me. (I don't have an official diagnosis, but I am 99 percent sure I'm depressed in the flavor Empty, which I put in here.) I originally wanted a sweet playing in the rain fic, but nope. Probably should have waited until I didn't feel like that to write if that's what I wanted.
> 
> (Last thing-I started prompts the day they were posted. This was written November 2nd. I'm okay now!)
> 
> Thanks for reading (and letting me vent a little here)!


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